Zifah’s Dreams

PILOT: This is the story of a twenty-something year old psychopath that has an angel which visit’s him in dreams!

Ned is sound asleep and hadn’t been dreaming, Zifah popped into his dream like magic, poof. “Ned, are you going to get up now you’ve got to be starving?” Ned saw Zifah as this most beautiful angel, so beautiful he was hard to look at directly. And he wasn’t really sure if Zifah was male or female, just truly a beautiful face with wings and all. “You’ve been sleep for hours and it’s a day off, don’t you want to do something interesting or fun”? No, I’d really like to keep sleeping if you’d leave me alone. “I can not do that so you can stay with me in this dream or wake up and I’ll see you later”. G.D. all right I’m up Zifah, leave me alone. Ned sit’s up in bed it’s a one room apartment and it’s so depressing in there you’d want to kill yourself if you lived there. He begrudgingly gets out of the bed and walks over to the sink. He splashes two hands full of water on his face and reaches over to the window. When he looks out of the window he thinks, “great, it’s raining so hard that I can’t see across the street”.

Ned is a funny, young, mostly confused twenty-something year old psychopath! He is not your average Twenty-Something Year Old. He has taped up $32,460.00 dollars in plastic wrap with blue painters tape. It’s taped  to the bottom drawer in his chest of drawers inside that depressing room of his. The chest of drawers is one of a few pieces of furniture that he has in his room. There is his bed, the chest of drawers and a t.v. stand with no t.v. on it, so strange. A small table is up against a wall with two chairs.

He earned that money killing people, several people. He does work about three days a week washing dishes at a nursing home in town. His anti-social behavior only allows him to be around the public for about that long. He hear’s a voice in his head constantly and it’s not Zifah’s voice. They argue all the time and sometimes it’s comical to watch. This voice is always telling Ned to do this or that and these outrageous scheme’s to make money. That’s how he first started to kill people for money. It’s the one thing that he’s good at, killing people, the worse the “scumbag”,  the more bizarre the kill. Ned was hired by a local wise-guy who runs the east side to kill  an opposing mafia crew. He, Giancarlo Insallatta wanted all five of them dead.  Giancarlo hated this guy Frank and really wanted him and his crew dead.  It would pose a some-what challenge to Ned because when in public Frank and his crew were always together. They had to be hit all at once, if you just got one or two of them the others would disappear only to return and make more trouble for Giancarlo. You could tell from looking at Franks Crew that they were a tight-knit crew. Well, he followed them for about two days which wore him out and why he was sleeping in the day time. He did not see an opportunity to  whack them without putting himself at risk, serious risk!

As much as Ned hated the thought of it, he had a cell phone. Doesn’t everyone? Please don’t answer that, it was rhetorical. He loath that thing, cause he knew that having it kept him on society’s grid and just that thought could make him physically ill. “The Voice” would constantly pick at Ned about his having that cell phone.

Ned is up and out of his room and walking to get some food from the local diner. He has a big crush on a waitress that works there, her name is Cynthia. While he’s walking it’s raining, like monsoonal rain. The seasonal wind is actually blowing the rain almost vertically. Just about a block more to go and he barely hears his cell phone ringing because the sound of the rain is so loud. He steps inside a spacious entrance way to a nice apartment building. He fishes the phone out of his coat pocket and says “Hello!” “Is this Ned, Ned Johnston?” He is instantly irritated and wished that he would have looked at the tiny screen to see who was calling before answering.

He doesn’t get a lot of calls and usually they are about work or jobs that he can take on. It’s a small black Samsung Flip Phone, he’s just standing there staring at his phone in his hand. He reluctantly says yes! The voice in his ear says, “Mr. Johnston, today is your lucky day! I’m calling from Braceton Travel with an offer you can’t refuse, we’re offering you a free all-inclusive, resort stay trip for two, to Pebble Beach CA. You and Mrs. Johnston will be staying for three nights and four days  at “The Lodge at Pebble Beach”. “Now, this amazing offer has only one catch you have to book your airfare on this call right now with a major credit card. Ned, Mr. Johnston, just think how excited Mrs. Johnston is going to be when you tell her this exciting news and  your decision to travel with the Braceton Travel Agency. And we are here locally if you ever want to come in and thank me, we’re right here in downtown Seattle. Think of how good it’s going to feel basking in the sun in Pebble Beach, away from this monsoon type weather. Think about how much fun you’re going to have playing golf everyday, for three full days”.

Ned doesn’t say anything, he took a breath and before he could speak “The Voice” in his head goes off! That’s rich, Mrs. Johnston. You haven’t been on a date since high school. And, wasn’t she your cousin? You don’t know how to play golf do you? Pebble Beach, CA. you’ve never even been out-of-town before…” “The voice in the cell phone breaks the conversation that is ensuing in his mind.” “Mr. Johnston, are you there or did I somehow lose this call?” Sheepishly he replies, no I’m still here. “Well, that’s great Mr. Johnston I just need another sec or two to change this computer screen and then I’ll be ready to take your credit card information so we can get started!” The voice in his head says “losers don’t have major credit cards, remember Mr. I want to stay off society’s grid, you don’t have a major credit card. You’re such a loser that you don’t even have a bank account. Come on, tell this Tele-Marketing P.O.S. the truth, oh that’s right, you’re not good at that either”. Ned yells out loud Shut Up. The voice on his cell phone says “why Mr. Johnston, that seems a bit harsh”!

Ned immediately begins to apologize, wait I wasn’t saying that to you either I was talking to… Oh no, he can’t explain this to a telemarketer. Almost not thinking he snaps the phone shut, he feels embarrassed about his mental voice and is actually angry about his choice in life. As is they were choices. His life and the way it is set up by design. That’s right you a-hole, it’s by my own grand design .. He hears the voice say “Yeah, keep walking in the rain loser”. He pulls his coat  closer  to his chest and steps back out into the rain. He pauses and is clutching the front of his coat closed. His hair is saturated with rain water and the drops fall off his face from his nose and roll’s down his entire face. Out loud he says, “I hope that you’ll leave me alone so I can at least enjoy my meal”. Laughing, the voice says, “Fat chance of that!”

He steps into the diner and it’s very bright in there compared to being outdoors in the pouring rain. The owner of the diner, Jerry waves to Ned from the first booth where it seems he’s always seated. Ned takes off his coat, shakes off the water and hangs it on the coat rack with all the others. The coat rack is usually an indication of how crowded the diner is or is not. Today it’s not so busy, not a lot of coats and it’s about 6:15pm PST. He runs both his hands through his hair trying to get some of the water out of it and most of the water runs down his back causing a slight shiver.

Pilot Continued-

Ned goes and sits at the counter not four feet away from where Cynthia is standing, she has her back to the counter. Without turning around she says, “be right with you”. She was obviously in the middle of texting before he sat down. He thinks “it must have been her boyfriend  as she has this odd look on her face”. Cynthia is about 4′ 8″ tall with dark brown eyes. Her long black hair frames a very pretty face and she has rather large breast’s for a thin woman. He’s wondered on more than one occasion if her breast’s are real. And has had many fantasies of how wonderful it would be to caress those beauties. The top of her uniform is always unbuttoned  showing her more than ample cleavage. And, she always wears knee-high white stockings. Out of all the waitresses it’s like her “trademark”.

When she see’s Ned she says “well Hey You”! He breaks eye contact with her and his eyes go down her body to the floor and he manages a “Hello”. What he lacks in self-esteem and confidence with women he make up for that in his killing prowess. She says “would you like a cup of coffee”? Yes, is his simple response. She offers him a towel to dry off his hair and face and he smiles big when their hands touch during the towel exchange.

The voice breaks into his moment with Cynthia and he hears in his mind “I’ve got it! We can use Hat-Trick to take out Franks crew”. Hat-Trick is Ned’s accomplice and the closest thing he has to a friend. He’s helped him on a couple of jobs in the past, successfully I might add. Hat-Tricks real name is Vajra and because he’s from India or somewhere like that he has this really heavy accent. It’s so heavy that when he tries to speak American you can barely understand what he’s saying. The Voice continues, “Here’s the rub looser. Franks Crew comes out of the club house several times a day for a smoke. They must get tired of sitting around inside so they always come outside.  Weather permitting in a few days you can pull this off. Put Hat-Trick on that balcony  about three buildings down across from that corner with your sniper rifle. Ned has a beautiful well-kept M4A1 that is really a collector’s item. It fires with perfect accuracy and will always kill what it hits. Always!

Yes, after you do this job you’ll have to re-bore the barrel – – Picture a spinning drill going into a metal barrel sliding the length of it. You’ll have to go thrifting and purchase a trench coat with cash. Then cut two slit’s right around the arm pits of the coat. You’ll fill the arms of the coat with paper to make it look like your arms are hanging at your side with gloves. You can go to one of the big box home improvement stores and buy a bunch of stuff for a home project and get two pairs of odd colored gloves. That way when the Crew (members) notice you approaching them, their attention will be on how odd those gloves are. Of course the gloves will be stuffed too and used to create a brief mental diversion.

Underneath the trench coat by the two slit’s you’ll have two fully loaded, with one in each tube Dessert Eagles .50 caliber hand cannon’s. Remember, Duce has a pair for sale and he can keep a secret. As you walk between Frank and whomever you blow his head completely off or mostly off because you’ll be using high grain 351gr JHP hand loaded hallow-points rounds. (Picture a fat, almost one inch bullet in a silver casing hollow point top, in a bronze color and Ned’s gloved hand (surgical gloves) using a dark grey steel bullet press at his shitty little table) Enough the Voice yell’s in Ned’s mind, focus!

Ned is sitting at the counter grinning and Cynthia is still talking to him, all he hear’s is blah blah, blah. She’s thinking “what a freak”. He is completely unaware of her or his surroundings as all he see’s is Hat-Tricks’ first shot from the balcony and it hits one of Franks Crew in his throat, deliberately. The blood gushing from this guys neck shoots up and over landing on Franks shiny grey suit and all over his face. Franks like “What the F–k!” The next second later, no wait it’s more like a second and a half there’s a loud boom from one of Ned’s.50 caliber hand cannons, and Franks head almost explodes literally up into the crisp air. Two more shots ring out from above and to their left in the distance and the double tap hits one of the other Crew Members chest and it echo’s like a drum. Frank and two of his crew members bodies are falling in slow motion down to the ground and they are deader than Elvis! Ned is really enjoying watching this scenario unfold. It is very odd to watch this young man, Ned pulls the two dessert eagle’s out of his coat as it appears that the two arms are both hanging at his side. The last two crew members are both crapping in their pants and another second goes by then another load boom!

Ned and Hat-Trick both fired at the exact same time shredding one of the remaining three. Two left. The next rifle shot hits home spinning one of them almost completely around and Ned’s shot at almost the same time totally lifting that guy up off the pavement. He was dead long before he hit the ground. The last guy turned to run after being frozen like a statue for the prior four or five seconds. One shot from the rifle and a double boom from the desert eagles literally  stood him straight up and when he fell his lifeless body was taken over by gravity. A loud thump was the sound that his 285lbs. body made as it hit the ground.

Ned thought that he thought to himself “Brilliant”! Cynthia leaned forward over the counter asking “what’s brilliant?” Ned looks up into her face and says, what? Oh, I was just thinking out loud. She doesn’t verbally respond, she shakes her head and walks away. He is looking at her intently marveling at the way her body moves inside her tight uniform. It’s a bright yellow one piece button up waitress dress. He thinks and see’s that yellow uniform crumpled up on the floor in his apartment next to his bed. He wishes! A broad smile crosses his face while he’s thinking about it.

Several moments pass as Ned is sitting there thinking about the possibilities. He has also learned from experience that every plan is great, until the enemy fires the first shot. If your plan doesn’t have flexibility or a Plan B, you’ve planned to fail.

The door to the diner opens and the wind whip’s its way in. And Dahbou & Gi-Gi come strolling in. They are wet from head to toe and are laughing about something out loud. Jerry gives them a dis-approving look and goes back to reading his paper.

Dahbou and Gi-Gi, now there’s a pair. Dahbou’s real name is Ivy Thomlynson. She’s African American, light brown skin, beautiful face. Maybe all of seventeen years old and wise way beyond her years. Her parents are interracial, black father and white mother. She ran away from her Texas home some three years ago. Her parents just recently gave up looking for her and has no idea she lives on the street’s most of the time in Seattle. She has a drug habit that she supports either by panhandling, scam’s, conning tourist or when times are extremely hard prostituting herself. In her young life, she’s been to chemical addiction treatment fourteen times. Getting sober isn’t an option that she wants to exercise, at least not yet.

Gi-Gi’s real name is Gwen Matheson. She’s kind of tall and rubenesque, and you can’t really tell that she’s caucasian by birth as she’s kinda beige. She has straight short hair that’s normally brown unless dyed, and has a boyish manner ish. The street’s have taken their toll through the lines on her face. She’s really good at the short-con and is an excellent pickpocket. She generally works near the “Pike’s Market” and that’s where these two initially met.

Most people that see them together assume that they are lesbians and that’s their insiders joke. They are both “strictly dickly”, they say that all the time. They are very touchy feely when seated and sometimes when they walk together they hold hands. Yet if they hook a John, for the right price they will touch and lick each other and pretend to like it. And thats only if the John gives them the room for the night once their little show-for-pay is done.

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Not sure of title yet!

So, I’m back “from outer space”… Last night I dreamt this dream about a show. It played like a show so that’s how I’m going to write it. I hope that you’ll read this work and comment frequently on the characters,, the story line, all of it.  Will be posting the Pilot shortly. 

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Picture for a moment a wall of Milk Carton Ad’s with pictures of “Have you seen me” advertisements. Literally hundreds of thousands of faces of children. Have you seen one lately and do you ever pay attention to those? When you look at them, I mean really look hard at them do you ever see someone and think, “I’ve seen that person.” It’s because, it might be You!

In your dreams sometimes you dream of another life. You may dream of a fine house and a nicer car. Perhaps, a different mate or partner? Of being a celebrity or someone in power and how differently you would handle your life. “Sleep Shifters” rarely visit adults because life has molded you into the person that you are today.

Each year in America alone not counting abroad over one million children “Go Missing!” Sort of alarming when you think about it, isn’t it? Where do they go? Childhood and youth generally used to equate to innocence and that is a part of the Key.

Mentally, especially in current times these children grow tired of their lives and are taught by “Sleep Shifters” how to change who they are. They get to have a completely different life than the one that they were born into. Hard to believe? Not really, read on…

The Global Corporation Dertahburton has a scientist that has stumbled on this occurrence and has almost figured out a way to execute the event in a lab. The Chairman of the Board wants to take his wealth and knowledge back to a child’s body. Can he pull it off? And with today’s technology perhaps he can…

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The Book of “They”. “They Said”.

For some strange reason my whole life I’ve heard thing’s like “They Say”, “don’t go outside with wet hair”.  Well why, and who are they? We are going to identify as many “They Sayings” as possible and who they actually are. Please send your “They Say Quotes” to leejster@gmail.com and we will include them in this project. At the end of the project a vote will be cast for the best “They Said” and the winner will get a signed copy of the unpublished manuscript. So please give me your best. This new project is going to be interactive and hopefully once completed enjoyable. So let’s get started. To review the project please go to https://leejpedesclaux.wordpress.com Thanks

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“Out Of Orleans”

This is a brutal assault about a Life, which in the beginning has massive odd catholic overtones. The potential influences the protagonist meets along the way that should mold his young life.  There’s a bitter-sweet relationship between him and some of the other characters. Then “KABOOM”, an enslaving addiction that stares at you square in the face. The military training, conspiracies and failed attempt to build a warrior during the The Cold War and its long-term devastating effects. There’s a darkness in this story that beckons you inside of it evoking empathy and shock. This is not a story for the faint of heart, it is super dark and abysmal at times. And, as the story unfolds it has a thought-provoking balanced and odd spiritual illumination that will keep you immersed in the pages. “Out Of Orleans” explores certain pointed areas of life that are not discussed in today’s polite society. “Are you ready for a wild and unstoppable ride, if so then come inside”!

Thanks in advance for your time.  Lee J.


Who I am is of no real importance, I am just a Ole Man, looking out this window. “They” the establishment don’t really want me to tell you this story. Sometimes I am not sure if I want to tell you this story. The men and women who served this Country during the cold war after Nam may not want this story told. The cold war post Vietnam defined a period of history in the United States. Our Government and the Military will go on record saying, “We have no record of that incident(s) or story”! Oh, you asked “what window I am looking out of”.  I am in a government hospital and “They” will never let me out of here, not even for a walk outside in the spring air.

Have you ever passed a Veteran’s Administration Hospital in your neighborhood and thought, that’s a good-looking facility? Do you ever wonder why the V.A. Hospitals are in the “Hood” and not in the nice suburbs? Because people who live in the suburb’s might think, why did “they” put that here. Prior to WWII our government established a new policy of “Hide everything in plain sight”. It’s like wool that’s been pulled over our proverbial eyes. Each V.A. hospital has a wing that is visible to the public and inaccessible, it’s clandestine. Now there’s a word that was well used during the period that I served.

I have watched this tree outside my window for twenty – eight continuous seasons. This is a hospital for veterans and specifically, an entire wing in the hospital which has no public record. This place is for people like me who got lost, went AWOL or who became homeless. One in three of every homeless person in America is a veteran. Literally hundreds of thousands of dollars were spent training us to be like ghost. No big surprise that our government in fact turned us into that very thing.

We may have spoken out against what was going on behind the scenes. We may have become incapable of finishing an unsanctioned mission or because we no longer wanted to kill at random. We became dangerous to the establishment! All of us have been declared crazy or insane because of our knowledge, and we are neatly tucked away. To the public and the country in general this place for all practical purposes does not exist.

Our Country has lied to us (the general public) since before WWII. Back then the Military Industrial Complex became a great source of income, jobs and profit for those of privilege. Titles have changed from back then to make us feel better. Back then the “Secretary of War”, a civilian with such responsibilities as finance and purchases and a minor role in directing military affairs, headed the War Department. The War Department! That title has been changed to The Secretary of Defense. Sounds so much nicer, right?

War = the “way America rolls”, this Country, you know the one that was born and bathed in war. “The British are coming, the British are coming”. Your Founding Father borrowed Thirteen Million Dollars from Belgium to fight that war. Do you have any idea the value back them of how much money that was? Then “they” jacked the native Americans of their land and those atrocities make me want to puke.

There’s mass speculation about the “U.S. Economy Warfare” that it is what provoked Japan’s attack on Pearl Harbor. Did you know that your Country had Economy Warfare? And I would be remiss to leave out Senator Prescott Bush. That’s right; Grand Pappy Bush was in bed with Nazi Germany. Well he financed and profited with them, you know that guy Hitler, till his finance companies assets were seized in 1942. Are you afraid yet? You should be…

The reason I ask is because unimaginable amounts have been spent and is being spent currently on keeping average Americans afraid. How do you think that deficit got so high? Since we are a Country that can’t keep a secret here’s the Juice. We’ve had contact with UFO’s, since the early 1900’s, leaked a story and we the general population bought it. Please re-read the above paragraph if you have any doubt that the “Fear Campaign” was created and is real. For some Families it was simply a means to an end. The end game? Money! And not for you or I, for them. And over generations those funds have been washed over & over.

We have perpetrated some of the most heinous act’s ever know to man. Without giving any thought to its affect’s on humanity. And we will reap what we have sewn… Our Government creates an act, leaks the story and then we argue and speculate about it. Over and over and over and in that exercise we forget about who is really liable and affected. We kill our own Presidents and Senator’s in the name of War. Then the Government seals the records for Seventy Five Years. So that all involved will be forgiven as it was in the name of War & Profit for our Country and very specific Families. I grow tired just telling you this.

Watergate, Air America, Whitewater oh and “Hope” Arkansas! Wow, eighteen people mysteriously died surrounding that financial scandal. And “I did not have sexual intercourse with that woman”. No, but she gave you seventeen bj’s… He should have been crowned “King” of America, come on, really. Seventeen Blowjob’s from your intern? That’s how we roll!

We’ve tactically nuked some areas where bad guys were. Because it was prudent at the time, we like to flex our muscle. We have had our allies back and fought for them whether it made sense or made it to the main stream media. We’ve created bad guys, completely made them up and used them to further our cause, Fear. Forgive my fragment’s as I am growing more and more tired and I think it’s in the medication that “they” give me every day. We successfully over-threw communism and tore the wall down. Mother Russia we messed your stuff up, royally and we continue. I’d probably better get started on the rest of this story, we only get so much time every day.

We are forgotten heroes who put our lives on the line for our Flag and Country. Perhaps when we are done talking about this, you will feel different or better about it. That in sharing this we will all feel better, cathartically better about this. Perhaps. Or perhaps not, and I don’t think that I will.

A nurse walks into the room that I’m sitting in and says “Good morning Commander Brigg’s here’s your medication”. Two men rush around her and say’s “hey Brigg’s are you going to tell us that story today”. He doesn’t turn away from the window; he simply nods his head up & down. The medicine and water go down his throat like a small flowing stream. He opens his mouth and says, “have I ever told you two yahoo’s about when they used to call me Jacques”?

Chapter 1 – H-Town Tricking

It’s February Nineteen Hundred Eighty-Two and Jacques is driving down Interstate Forty Five South through traffic in Houston like he owns the place. Changing from lane to lane on the freeway like a race car driver with very little regard for anyone or anything around him. This is before grid-lock begins, every day the traffic comes to almost a complete stop on this freeway… The stereo is on and it’s the Band, Pink Floyd, “It’s all right we told you what to dream”! This echo’s in his head.

What a car, this is not a car; it’s a machine, a piece of art. How many twenty – three almost twenty – four-year olds are driving a Porsche 944? Not very many and his guess is that maybe a few are driving one as well as he pushes this one. The tan leather smells so new inside that you can taste it and there is not a speck of dirt on the car, anywhere… The exterior color is steel grey and it’s like flying, the wheels keep this machine on the ground.

He is heading home from work, if you can call it work. The Place in downtown Houston.  What a building, five floors of retail space and eighteen floors of office lease space and he has the run of the whole place. It’s connected to three other buildings and all by sky-bridges. The Five Seasons Hotel and One and Two Houston Centre. The Five Seasons Hotel, what a place and what a philosophy, their catch line is; “There are the regular four seasons, spring, summer, fall, winter and then a stay in their hotel is a season of itself”! Now that’s a million dollar tag line. He silently wishes that he would have thought that one up and should have been in Advertising. Almost as if it were all his is what he thinks.

A property manager by day and working for a Canadian Firm is great. There’s not a lot of accountability during the regular days, just skating by. At least thus far is what he is thinking. Thinking to him, that driving down to Kemah from Houston isn’t a big hassle; it’s what successful people do. And will they ever finish this freeway? It seems as if they have been working on Interstate 45 forever. It is four lanes in the North and South bound direction. And they have been working on it even from coming here in his childhood he remembers this freeway under construction.

The traffic begins to slow down just like it does everyday right around this time. Sometimes getting stuck in bumper to bumper, stop and go traffic isn’t all bad especially when you see a hot woman like the one that’s next to him. A really attractive brunette and she is in some sort of convertible car. The flirting is wonderful and hopefully he will get the opportunity to give her his business card.

Living in the suburbs, and that keeps the heat off of him and the pigs don’t have a clue. The Pigs will never suspect that a young affluent business man is really doing the things that he does. Then it happens, the thought enters his mind. No, he tells himself, don’t think about it. Here goes the conversation with himself that he really doesn’t want to have, that he hates to have. I can’t do this to myself, why do I even do that stuff? Successful people don’t use drugs every day. You don’t use drugs every day, just most days. No! Stop thinking about it he tells himself.

He really does not want to do that tonight because he has a date with the hotel heiress. She is so beautiful and her name rings in his head, Marabina. Yes that’s it and it’s a very strange name, Celtic or something like that. Marabina Marritton. Everybody wants her and you’ve got her. How in the hell did you pull that off? She is twenty-four, extremely beautiful, witty, funny and stunning at five foot seven inches tall and very ambitious. Why would a beautiful young woman like her even bother with a guy like him? Thinking to him, “No doubt that you will somehow screw this up”.

As he turns his car onto the street that he lives on, this is the first time he notices that all the houses on the block look so similar. Some subtle differences of color is the only thing that separates the look of the homes. Sort of like cardboard cut outs. He thinks to himself, it’s been just over a year that he has lived there and how odd a revelation is that. He opens the door into a very nice home, living in Kemah on Sea Crest Street isn’t so bad and two sexy ladies are in the living room sitting on the sofa and they look like they belong there. He has never seen them before today. He can see that the brunette is tall, lanky legs but pretty and the blonde is a little shy as she looked down to the floor when his gaze fell upon her. Observation is a habit of his and it has to do with all of his training. There’s loud music playing on the stereo and the smell of weed smoke in the air and he just waves and keep going.

How strange is it that he doesn’t like to smoke weed anymore, he started smoking weed when he was ten years old. One day just before he separated from his active duty with the military he just quit. He said that he didn’t like how it made him feel so he was going to stop smoking weed. And he did, even to this day he has never smoked weed again. That is so strange. And there’s a funny story about a Ferret the last time that he smoked weed, completely freaked him out.

He needs to shower and change; he is going to go see his Lady, that is it and what is he doing with a hotel heiress… He thinks to himself? He is sure that her family would disapprove if they only knew the things that they do. Go and see her, that is what you’re going to do and that’s all that you’re going to do. He is not going to mess around with those chicks in the living room, he should probably pretend like they are not there. So, into the master bedroom he goes and closing the door behind him. All most instantly a knock on his bedroom door and before he can say a word it flings open and his roommate Trace comes in. He is blond, has a long shaggy hair cut that’s shoulder length. He is a six feet two-inch tall man, and women really fall for him.

Trace is slightly older than Jacques and man; Trace is the wildest white boy who he’s ever met. He is from some crap town in Indiana that’s hard to pronounce and will fight at the drop of a hat. He loves to fight and is a crazy fighter. They are kindred in that respect. The really cool part is that he has got Jacques’ back, and he doesn’t have to worry about that. Trace’s girlfriend lives in Pasadena, Texas and they have a child together and he rarely sees them. He would love to be a good father or dad and there just isn’t enough time. Trace says to him “Dude, lets cook some stuff up and these girls will fuck us six ways to Sunday”! He just looks at Trace for a few seconds and then he says I’ve got a date with Marabina. Trace says, “Man she’s so fine and she is so crazy about you Bro”. “You are one lucky son of a…” Jacques cuts him off with, watch it Trace, and don’t be talking about my mom like that or I’ll kick the living shit out of you man.

Trace mumbles something under his breath and then says, “Hey, just cook me a gram and I’ve got a Hun, a hundred dollars and I’ll get Janice to give you a blow job while you’re cooking it”!!!  I’ve got some qua’s and they are boot leg four-day qua’s. Quaalude’s. Fuck! He thought that this might happen, thinking to himself– “Don’t you dare give in, just tell him later, or no, or some other time. Plus you have to work in the morning”.

Looking into the kitchen – Jacques is in the same slacks from work and a wife beater, the white tank top undershirt that older men wear and he is near the stove preparing something. Traces walks in to the kitchen and asks is it ready yet and he tells him, “leave me alone”. He doesn’t listen and then the next thing he knows, the two women and Trace are in the kitchen. He is wondering if these women are the pigs and so he says “Are you two Cops”. Hey, if y’all are police you have got to tell me right now because I asked you. If you lie that’s Entrapment!
Janice comes over and rubs his crotch, a lot! He is standing there cooking free-base cocaine in a saucepan, the pan is almost see through. Cooking with Ether is takes up too much time so this way is faster. “Faster is good, must go faster”. And it looks like a ball of yellow jelly swirling around in the pan and the color of the sauce pan distorts the color of the cocaine. It’s about the size of a very large marble. There’s an odd smell in the kitchen and you have to know that smell. “OOUU that smell! Can you smell that smell”?? He tells himself that he is going to do a couple of hits, put away a stash and get his C-Note from Trace. And then get a bj and then he’s off on his date.
Before he sprays the sauce pan he puts the glass lid on the pot. He does not want anything to get inside of the pan, he wants complete purity! He uses a can of Freon to cool down the sauce pan – CCCSSSSSHHHHHH – is the sound that comes out of the can loudly as he sprays the outside of the sauce pan. The jelly turns to a white/slightly yellow rock as the water swirls and it’s the size of a very big marble.
Get the tools out and sit the fuck down he says to Trace!!! He didn’t realize that he was yelling and he was! They all sit down at the table like they’re fixing to have dinner. Somehow this isn’t as elegant a dinner that this table was designed for. What a grand dining room, with silver candle sticks and all. His mind wanders and he thinks to himself that he has never had a dinner party or has ever eaten food in “the grand dining room”. The main course today is just a little different then says, in the home of The Abbott’s or The Cleavers. Ward Cleaver would have a fit, “June, what in the heck is going on”?

He laughs out loud and everyone just stares at him like he is crazy or something. They start smoking and that’s it. That is all she wrote… He knows that it’s all over for him, he probably won’t move very far from this chair for a long, very long time. This is the one thing that he knows for sure.
Its 5:00a.m., the morning after and they’re still in the kitchen and he has Ann Marie on the counter and he is banging her from behind, and correct. And he
keeps looking over his shoulder to see if they’re stealing hits while they are doing
it, “doing the nasty”. Trace actually owes him over a grand and the girls, about $500.00 each and the girls can’t fuck that off. He wants his money when the bank opens this morning.

Yeah right, “as if he will be able to leave to follow them to the bank at 9:00a.m.” Trace starts to tweak and so he stops what he’s doing to get Traces mind right. He is in control, this is his set and you will do exactly what he says. And he does. He just sits down and shuts the fuck up. Jacques loads the glass pipe and tells Janice to kneel between his legs and start giving him oral so they can do “The Love Hit”. What a name! And it has absolutely nothing to do with Love.

Just before she makes him cum, he hits that glass and man do I mean hit it! What a
feeling of elation! What a high! This is what it’s all about, this is awesome and
what a rush! Reality starts to sets in and he thinks to himself “that he keeps his
cocaine locked up in a safe and his money in Dingo Boot Boxes in an Armoire”.
And all of a sudden that seems so strange to him.… His next thought is, shit, he
didn’t call to cancel his date with the Heiress.

Now it’s all most 6:00a.m. and there is no way in hell that he can show up for work in this condition. He starts to feel badly for a minute and then he thinks that that’s bull shit. He didn’t smoke thousands of dollars worth of coke to feel bad. He picked up the mirror with all the dope, and tool’s on it and went into the other room, picked up the phone and called in sick. Back to the kitchen with the mirror in tow and he grabs Ann Marie, bends her over and get’s busy again. This goes on for days and nights. Four or five days, and he loses track of the days as they all start to blend into each other. What a fucking life, not really! And it isn’t really, it is not life. It does not even resemble real life and he doesn’t understand this just yet.

Chapter 2 – Early Orleans

Thinking back:   (1963-1964) A five year old *Creole* boy he’s lanky, almost awkward, long shoulder length very curly brown hair and is living and playing in Orleans, on N. Pierre Street. His Mother calls, Jacques, where are you Chere’??? I’m coming Momma, “I am coming” he shouts over the other kids playing near him. They always stop him when he’s having fun. He wonders out loud why can’t he play outside till dark like the other kids Ma he asks? “Smack”, she hit’s him sternly right upside his head! “Don’t you question me boy I’m your Mama, now get in that house and eat your dinner”. Yes mama. He stops in the living room and turn towards the T.V. It’s in color and everybody’s making a big deal out of it. So what, what difference does color really make? A voice booms, “Boy you better move before I get up from here and beat you”. He turns, it’s his dad and he is in his pajamas and it’s his T.V. so he’d better move.

He glares at Jacques and the child just looks at the floor and starts walking through the house. Why is he always so mean to him, he didn’t do anything to make him mad today? As he walks out he can still hear his father’s voice and can’t quite understand what he’s saying. His Father said, “You ain’t shit and you are never going to be shit you little shit ass”! The next room is his parents’ bedroom; the next room is his two older brothers and his room, then the kitchen and a small bathroom. This is a very small home. Tiny. Five rooms, we all, all eight of us live in five rooms. He has three older sisters and they sleep in the front room after his dad gets done watching T.V.

And he’s the youngest of the six, the Baby! That’s what his Mom always calls him whenever she’s talking to someone else about him. His Mother is straight old school and she was a teen and grew up during the Great Depression. She has told him many stories about that era and he thinks that it’s weird most of the time. It is funny the different values that each American Generation has, or doesn’t have in his case. She is a dyed in the wool Catholic.

He enters the kitchen and his Grand Mother opens her arms and he runs into them. She hugs him for a long time and he squirms around where his back is to her. He looks at her hands and touch’s her skin and she’s a light brown, a tan-ish color, almost the color of a paper bag. He rubs her hand with a gentle tenderness and affection. Her skin is wrinkled though and he asks her, Grand Ma, why is your skin so soft and rumpled? She laughs out loud, “Rumpled”? You just wait till you get old and then you’ll see why, “Slim Goodie”.

Grand Ma, he asked her, why you call me that all the time? “Because Jacques, you remind me of my youngest son that is why. You were named after him and you are just like him. He died on December 4th and you were born on December 24th, twenty days later. You were our most wonderful Christmas Present Slim. He was a good man and you’ll be a good man too if you just listen to your Mama boy”.

Her English isn’t that good and then she bleeds over into broken French and he can barely understand her. “You hear me boy”? Yes Maam, Qui, Chere, I understand. Where is your youngest son Mama? Boy, she says, “he is with Jesus, up in Heaven be my guess little one. Well, you’d better sit down and eat before ya Mama comes back in here yea”.

He sits down and begins to eat with her and they talk about all sorts of things. She is a Lopez by birth and she and his momma were born in a town named Convent, Louisiana. He’s not sure where his Aunt Junta is at, she lives in that half of the house with his Grand Ma. She is his Momma’s older Sister and they have an older Sister and Brother. He has two Aunts’ and an Uncle.

He feels that his Grand Ma understands him and he feels that she is the only person in the world that does. They have and odd relationship because at times they are really more like two children as she has advanced dementia. So sometimes she’s a woman, older and wise and then there are other times when the two of them pull shenanigans’ just like a couple of innocent children would.

His Mother took them both on the city bus system to Canal Street for a shopping spree. They are rather poor so this is a real big deal for them all. The incident on the bus is really for a different time and there is never anytime like the present. This is the mid-to-Early- Nineteen Sixties and segregation is alive and well in most of America. It’s on the down low in the North and Northeast. And it is raging especially in the South.

As they enter the bus his Mother puts a series of coins into this machine that stands like a sentry before you can pass the Bus Driver, to go to your seat if there is one available. The driver looks at his Mother and smiles real broad and hand gestures her onto the bus. Then he sees her Mother and she is slightly tan-ish with much darker skin and hair than his mother and his Grandmother is holding Jacques’ little hand in her hand. This child is slightly tan, dark brown eyes and he has large ringlet curls of brown hair flowing almost to his shoulders.

The driver then says “they have to sit behind the screen” very matter of fact. His Mother makes a sound out loud more than actually speaking and them all three head down the narrow isle towards the back of the bus. There are two rows of two seats each on either side of the isle.

A man of color sitting directly behind the screen see’s them coming and he gets up, takes off his hat and offers them his seat. His Mother thanks the gentleman out loud and his Grandmother, he and his Mother all sit in a two person seat. He is sitting between them. The man who gave them his seat says to his Mother, “Maam, you are not supposed to be back here”. She turns her head slightly towards him and says I am exactly where I am supposed to be, thank you very much! The stranger doesn’t respond and turns away from them.

And then Jacques being the curious child that he is attempt’s to ask why they have to sit behind that, that thing as he doesn’t know what its proper name is. His Mother pops him in the mouth with a fluent backhand and not very hard and it does get his attention. You shush boy, and his Grandmother echo’s the statement “you shush Slim, enjoy the ride”. So the two of them look out of the window and they talk about all the things that they see that the bus passes.

A couple of minutes later a white woman sitting in front of them and the segregation screen turns and comments to his Mother how beautiful his hair is. His Mother says, thank you and then the woman asks may she touch his hair because it looks so soft & fluffy. In Jacques’ little mind he is protesting this woman touching anything of his and knows that his Mother will defend him against, against this Woman!

To his little surprise his Mother says “certainly” and pushes Jacques head forward towards the screen placing his little head within this woman grasp. He tries to protest and the harder he tries the more she pushes his little head. His little mind is racing with thoughts and disbelief that she would allow this woman to touch his hair and he feels his Grandmother take his little hand into hers and then she starts to hum. Immediately that sound begins to relax him on the outside and on the inside of him there is a raging storm brewing.

His eyes well up with tears of anger and he feels rage and he will not let the tears drop, he will not give her or them the satisfaction of seeing him cry. His Mother has no idea what this child is feeling or harboring and it is unnatural for such a young child to have these, these intense type feelings. He feels a strong sense of confusion and he doesn’t understand what he is feeling. The white woman thanks his Mother and says speaking directly to Jacques, “now, that wasn’t so bad after all”?

He doesn’t look up and his Grandmother squeezes his little hand, he doesn’t answer out loud at all. In his little mind he is screaming at this woman who he feels has violated his personal space and touched his hair.

The bus driver announces out loud, Canal Street. They ride for six or seven more stops before they exit the bus through the back/side door. Now here they are, and in order to get to the department store they have to cross Canal Street. He hears his Mother saying that “he is not to let go of his Grandmothers hand”. He does not acknowledge her statement and they have to wait as the cars buzz by on this very wide three lane street and it has a very large neutral ground in the middle separating the two directions of traffic.

The “Streetcar” runs down the center of Canal Street about a block down from where they are standing and there is a story to the “Neutral Ground”. His Grand Mother told him that in the early 1900’s till about 1920 or 1930 it was a planned literal canal which would have connected the Mississippi River to the Congo Square off of the Carondelet (street) canal. The Mississippi River is at the foot of Canal Street.

There was also talk about it running all the way to Lake Pontchartrain and because the U.S. Intelligence Community had deep roots on the Uptown side of Canal Street it was never constructed and thus the Neutral Ground became the dividing line between the older French/Spanish colonial-era (French Quarter) city and the newer Italian American Sector which is today’s CBD. That median, “the neutral ground”, was for a time the only safe area for them all to meet openly as each race was extremely territorial about their neighborhoods and areas.

This was long before his time and his Grandmother would tell him stories about when she would come to Orleans as a girl with her Mom & Dad, his Great Grandparents which he did not have the pleasure to meet as they were all long dead and gone by the time he was born. Her stories for him was his greatest learning thus far about this home, his family heritage and the world outside of Orleans, she was a wonderful story teller. She told young Jacques that her Father was the equivalent of a character we know as “Archie Bunker”, a Proud Creole’ and his name was Jacques L. Breaux.

If you were not in his direct Family he did not like you. Period! Well their shopping trip was going really well as they had walked over to Kress and had lunch. He had a hotdog with chips and a drink and he couldn’t wait to tell his brothers about their little excursion. When they went to Krauss to do the remainder of their shopping his Mother had both hands full with bags, he was not really sure what was in those bags and it really didn’t matter to him. His Mother got his attention and told him and his Grandmother “to not move and for them to wait right there in this particular spot in the store” for her to return.

His Mother knew that she would have to wrap up the shopping as her other children would be returning home from school soon and that they should get finished and head home. The moment that she turned and walked away from them they looked at each and smiled. Off they went in search of the toy section of the store, they had no idea where they were going or how they would arrive there. It took over an hour for his Mother to find them and when she did she spanked Jacques on his little hinny scolding him while beating his butt. What an interesting day that it has been he thought as she spanked him. He did not cry a drop from the spanking.

[1] *Creole*, of Negro descent, mixed with French, Spanish, Haitian, Native Indian or all of the prior.

Chapter 3 – Dream a little dream of…

That night after falling asleep he has the oddest dream. The Nuns from Sacred Heart of Jesus Grammar School are chasing him down Lantharpe Street. This is the side street to the family’s home. He’s running as fast as his little legs can go and they seem to be gaining on him. They have these long teeth sticking out of their lips going up and down and he is scared. He didn’t do anything bad today so why are they chasing him.

He just wants to wake up, Wake Up! Is he dreaming or is this real and that’s why he can’t wake up. The dream is actually surreal. Shit! He turns on Gallez Street into “Jorge De Mona’s Store” he is the Neighborhood Grocer and man he is trying to hide. Inside the store they come and they’re calling his name, over and over. “Jacques where are you”? So he’s hiding behind a shelf holding his ears and their voices are piercing and he can’t stop shaking. He is so afraid that he’s thinking to himself that he is going to pee his little pants. This must be what it feels like to be “terrified”.

He heard that term on “Dark Shadows” a television show in the Sixties that remarkably, his Mother likes. Why is this happening to me, I’ve been a good boy…?  Thinking to him no you haven’t, remember what you were doing with your sisters Sophia’s friend? His Sisters friend Mona would let him touch her boobies and feel her body. She felt good and he liked it!

He looked around the corner and he could see them going to the back of the store, passing the meat counter. Something smells really good and he can’t think about that right now. Why is he hungry and thinking about food? This is his chance, if he can make it to the door then he could run home and his Grand Ma will take care of him. She will protect him! She’ll get them Nun’s straight and keep them from getting him. So he makes a break for the door and he’s running just as fast as his legs can. Two and a half blocks and he is home safe, he thinks that he can make it! His little lungs feel like they are going to burst from his breathing so hard.

When he gets to the front door of their home the front door is open, he runs through the house and it doesn’t look like anybody’s in the house. The feeling of panic sinks deeper into him. He runs straight through the house and he sees the bathroom door, he can hide in there. They won’t be able to get him in there. Where’s Ma Ma, Grand Ma where are you he screams? When he opens the door, Ma Ma’s is inside, Wow, there is too much light coming from behind her.

All of a sudden he gets the strangest feeling all over him and it is from his head to toe. This feeling totally engulfs him, his entire being. What is it that he’s feeling? At first he doesn’t like it, very odd and he doesn’t think that he’s ever felt this way before. And there is that smell again like in the store, what is that smell? There is a super bright light behind her and it is so bright that at first he has to look away.

And this is weird because she is hovering in the air, with her legs folded like she is sitting on something or in a yoga pose and there is nothing underneath her. He rubs his eyes because the light is affecting his vision and he can’t believe what he’s seeing! Then all of a sudden Jacques notices something coming over him, this is a really strange feeling! It starts at the top of his head and goes all over and through his body all the way down to his toes. He feels so peaceful, he is no longer afraid of the Nuns or anything else for that matter. This is a calm feeling! What is it that he’s feeling? This is feeling is beyond peaceful; this is something that he has never imagined. It’s the most wonderful feeling and he is wishing that he could feel this way all of the time. Wow what is this amazing feeling!

Not lonely or afraid, he no longer feels disconnected from the rest of the world. The odd feeling of not being connected to anything or anyone, not even to his family is gone. It is a satisfied feeling of being full inside, content and whole is the thought that overwhelms him. He looks up at her and starts babbling trying to tell her about the Nun’s and she SSssshh’s him. Sshh, slim, “You are all ready all right boy”!

He is standing there quiet, there is no sound and just looking at her and the light is all around her. The light feels warm, most comfortable. It is somehow softer because he can look right at her and it doesn’t hurt his eyes any more. She says, “Boy, everything is going to be all right, it’s all ready all right”. Remember this and Slim, please remember that you are GODS Warrior, his sword, his little soldier! He is so still, so peaceful that he doesn’t ever want this moment to end. He wants to stay here forever, then he remembers, thinking, is he dreaming this? Is this real? Ma Ma, what do you mean I’m “God’s warrior, his sword”, huh? What?

He wakes to his Mother shaking him and yelling, “Boy pee in the toilet, Cher” and smack, right on his little hinny. He is peeing everywhere and as he comes awake the feeling leaves him and now all he feels is shame, horrible deep seated shame! His Mom says “You were sleep walking and talking and then you just started peeing”. She is going to punish him for this, he knows that for sure. He’s in big trouble! His Mom gives Jacques a quick wipe off and helps him to change pajamas and then she says, go to bed boy. We’ll talk to you about this in the morning. And the morning comes so quickly and he doesn’t want to open his little eyes.

It is June twenty-something, nineteen sixty-eight and he wakes and comes to, to a voice screaming, “Oh Jesus! Oh my God” really loud! He’s rubbing his eye’s trying to wake up as everyone is running through his room so he gets up and follows everybody. He scrambles out of his bed as fast as he can to the other side of the house. His Aunt Junta is still screaming hysterically as his Mother pulls the sheet over his Ma Ma’s face and everyone is crying and holding each other and he’s standing in the door way watching.

He feels so small, so tiny almost nonexistent and almost as if he’s not even there. Why isn’t Grandma moving and take that off of her face he thinks? His Mother puts a cloth over the clock after stopping it from ticking in Grand Ma’s room, she also covers the mirror. What is she doing that for? That seems so strange to him and no one is saying anything matter of fact you could hear a pin drop. And he can see that his Mother is trying not to cry. Her face distorts and the tears just start pouring down her face. This is the first time that he has ever seen his Mother cry.

What is going on and what could make his Mother cry like that. He feels that he wants to protect her, and comfort her and he can’t. He does not know what to do to help her and he feels sad about it. Mama, why are you crying he thinks to himself? Even when she fought with his Dad, she never cried. Then his Mom says, “get your little brother out of here”. So his Sister Sophia takes him by the hand and leads him next door to their side of the house. He asked his sister what just happened and she tells him to “Be quite, and shut up”.

Those Orleans shot-gun houses are where we live. He thinks to himself that they are only here in Orleans and he hasn’t been any place else to notice things like that yet. His Mom walks in the room and he asked her, what is wrong with my Grand Ma, Ma? Why did you cover her up like that, go and take that off of her! He says with as much authority that an almost ten year old can muster up; actually he won’t make ten years old until December. Her answer, “With Jesus” son, she’s with Jesus now. He remembers that is what Grand Ma said about her youngest son, “he is with Jesus”. Who is this Jesus person and why is everybody going by him?

About a year has passed and its 1969 – The same boy, his Mother and a Catholic Nun are sitting in an office and he is crying. More like a low whine without tears. Sister Jane Mary Margaret glares at the boy and says, “he is a good student and he is very, very smart if he would focus on his school work and not mischief and fighting”. He speaks, “but he started it, stuck me in my chest with a pencil”. The Nun gets up grabs him by his ears and yanks him out of the chair. She makes him stand in the corner of the office and hold two very large books, one in each hand. His skinny arms strains under the weight of the large books.

“Jacques kneel down now Boy”, she says. Now, sorry what was I saying, and his Mother doesn’t even bat an eye. He has been looking up the girls’ skirts a lot this week and I noticed that he had an erection Tuesday morning. He is obsessed with a girl in his class and her name is Lita, Lita Montegut. And she is no help as she seems to like the attention that he gives her. I think that is what the fight was about, Miguel threw something at her and he just went after him. When he is like that he is like an animal. He knocked two people over getting to Miguel and whoa Cheri, did he give him a thumping. I think that he broke that boy’s nose. Blood went everywhere and that didn’t even slow him down.

He has to make confession for lying and for hurting that boy. You know that he just did it right in front of us just now. His Mother is a woman of few words and today she is very soft spoken, Sister, he is going through a rough time and you know us well. You have taught most of my other children. His Father is very ill and he is in and out of hospital. It’s the cancer, in his lungs. My Sister Junta and I really try to work with him but he is so stubborn. Junta whips his hands with a ruler and he has not cried, not even once. Every since his Grand Mother died last spring he has been out of control, I can’t seem to get him to act right Sister. Also his little nephew Sammie is not doing too well with the brain tumor. He up in Charity Hospital and we have to spend a lot of time there.

I really understand what you are saying Sister, that boy can be “so evil” sometime. I don’t know what I am going to do with him? I pray and pray and the only thing that comes to me is to offer him to the church to become a priest. He is the youngest male child and we are a “Roman Catholic Family” in Orleans. I wish that he would be more like his older brother Jaston; she looks to the corner at Jacques.

“Jaston” he thinks to himself, “fat fucker Jaston” he gets straight A’s and he is going to St. Austine High School when he finishes school here. Sister Jane Mary Margaret thinks, hmmm, now that is a good idea. He is going to be a Priest; the world and parish needs more priests and the seminary will set him straight. His Mother gets up and thanks the Sister and they shake hands, “so it’s done, we have decided and that’s final”. After his Mother walks out of the room Sister goes over to where Jacques’ is and says, “You, young man are going to be a priest, we have decided and that’s final”.

Go over to the rectory and see Father Martin, I will call ahead and do not doddle, go straight there. Schools out for the day and all the kids are running around screaming and playing but not him. He dutifully walks straight through the school yard behind the church and around to the rectory. He rings the door buzzer for too long while the door latch snaps, clunk, as he pushes the door open. This rectory has an electric security latch that must be opened from the inside and why on earth do they have or need that he wonders. The smell of something being cooked is in the air and it makes his stomach growl.

He walks up to a sliding window and it opens all most at the same second that he arrives at the window. Miss Almita says, “Boy, what have you done now”? “You are always in trouble and I’m sure that it wasn’t your fault, right”? Before he can speak she continues, “Father Martin is a very busy man and doesn’t have time for the likes of you. Our Pastor has many more important things on his mind than a bad, little shit-ass boy like you”. “I don’t even know how trash like you got into this school”. “Your poor Mother must have said many a Novena to get you in here”.

A Catholic Brother walks up and introduces himself. “Hi, I’m Brother Alexander Moore, I’m the new art teacher and I have been told that you like to draw”. The Brother ignores what Miss Almita has just finish saying to the boy. “Come with me” he says to Jacques and they walk out of the rectory together.

It is now Sunday morning and mass has all ready started. His Mother is in the second row and she is beaming with pride as she looks at her youngest son. The priest is saying the mass in Latin and as he holds up the chalice, her son rings the bells. The sound of the ringing bells resonates through the massive church. He looks at his Mother and barely smiles then his attention goes right back to the priest. He and another boy bring the water and the wine to the Priest. “He took the bread gave it to his disciples and said, take this all of you and eat it. This is my body, the body of the new and ever living Christ”, the priest says in Latin.

If you don’t speak Latin you will not understand a word that the Priest is saying. He has to learn Latin to become a priest and in his mind he thinks that this sucks. I’m sure that very few understand and he has to learn more Latin. He so hates this and his whole life, why do I have to do this he asks God and no answer comes? No answer comes, as if GOD would answer the likes of him. They make him pray and pray and it is like no one’s listening. Who is this “God” fellow anyway? “They are with Jesus”, everyone that he really likes is with Jesus!

The mass continues and the Priest goes on with his part. Both boys look at each other and smile. They are up to something! “The Mass has ended, go in peace to love and to serve the Lord” the priest says. Then the procession goes down the center isle of the church and outside into the sweltering Orleans heat and sunshine. Father dismisses the boy’s and they are glad as their robes are very warm. Warm is an understatement, they are down- right hot under there. They head to the back of the sacristy to the room that is designated for the Alter Boy’s. And they start to pull the robes over their heads. They have their Sunday clothes on underneath and again they grin at each other.

What on earth are they up to? His Mother talks to the Pastor outside the church and The Father is a pompous, very large man and his face and cheeks are mostly red. He has a red bulb of a nose and it is always bright red. He has a flushing red face and it is probably from drinking too much alcohol and no one ever mentions it. Ever! She looks for her son and does not see him; she looks around for another minute or so and then starts walking home. She does not drive and that is o.k. as they do not own a car. The house is three less than four blocks away. They get around on city public transportation and that’s a whole different story that we lightly touched on!

The two boys walk through a hall way that runs the distance behind the alter yet it is completely hidden. This old church has many passages ways that are not visible to the congregation’s eye. One of them looks around the corner and see’s that Mr. Noreaha has his back to them. He is busy doing whatever it is that he does every Sunday before and after mass. And he is in there every Sunday, without fail.

They slip by unnoticed and there is a vault door and it is cracked, slightly open. They both go in, and after a brief “No you first, no you go first” they find what it is that they came in there for in a matter of seconds. Five rows of gallon jugs, filed with wine. The very same wine that the Priest just consecrated then consumed on the alter during the mass. They help each other lift up the large bottle as one takes a drink and then the other.

“More” he says as his partner in crime helps to lift the bottle to his mouth. He is guzzling the wine down like he has done this his whole life. The real problem has not even begun yet. It is his first time every drinking alcohol. The warm sensation sweeps from the top of his head to his feet in a matter of seconds. What an odd taste, not sweet and just a little tart right at the end.

The smell of the wine actually consumes his senses starting in his nose, then his tongue. Wow, what an interesting feeling and he thinks that he likes it. No, he really likes it! The warm sensation quickly leaves and the feeling of elation is new to him and very weird at the same time. They both get one more very large swallow then they seal the bottle back with its cap. For two nine year olds they’ve put a slight dent in that gallon jug. They pat themselves on the back as they leave the sacristy and giggle as they rush past Mr. Noreaha.

They are laughing and walking and talking about how much they drank. “I drank more than you” and then a slight argument ensues. It does not take very long and then they both get a weird feeling! Their stomachs are turning from the rapid consumption of the wine and no food yet eaten today. Their bodies are small and not equipped for that much alcohol and they have no clue what is happening to them right now. They look at each other and burst into laughter again. He is saying to his cohort, my tummy feels bad and I feel dizzy. It is time to go home and then it dawns on him, what if someone knows that he is drunk.

My Mom is going to kill me! If I get found out I am surely going to get a beating and its Sunday. I really don’t feel like getting a beating today, I’m all dressed up and so wanted to have a good day. Man, did I screw this one up!

Into the house he goes and he is really trying to act normal. In the front room his Dad is watching sports and it sounds like football. He walks through and his Dad said, “Boy you ain’t shit, and you ain’t never going to be shit”! And he ignores his Dad and just keeps on walking. As he goes through the second room he is so grateful that his Mom is not in there as she would want to talk or say something about how well he did the Mass. In the third room, “the boys’” room he finds his solitude, no one is in there so he changes his clothes really quietly and sits down.

Now what? He can hear his Mother in the kitchen and a wonderful smell is coming from one of the two kitchens. He can hear her humming and that always comforts him. What is it about her making that sound that brings him so much joy? It is because it was what his Grand Mother did to calm him down or just something that became special to him through her. He sits there pondering that and time is just moving along. Time is just moving along and he is not! He leans back against the head board of the bed and darkness engulfs him, He has passed straight out, he is in a drunken blackout and does not know it.


Chapter 4 – All about Orleans

The “Streetcar” runs down the center of Canal Street about a block down from where they are standing and there is a story to the “Neutral Ground”. His Grand Mother told him that in the early 1900’s till about 1920 or 1930 it was a planned literal canal which would have connected the Mississippi River to the Congo Square off of the Carondelet (street) canal. The Mississippi River is at the foot of Canal Street.

There was also talk about it running all the way to Lake Pontchartrain and because the U.S. Intelligence Community had deep roots on the Uptown side of Canal Street it was never constructed and thus the Neutral Ground became the dividing line between the older French/Spanish colonial-era (French Quarter) city and the newer Italian American Sector which is today’s CBD. That median, “the neutral ground”, was for a time the only safe area for them all to meet openly as each race was extremely territorial about their neighborhoods and areas.

This was long before his time and his Grandmother would tell him stories about when she would come to Orleans as a girl with her Mom & Dad, his Great Grandparents which he did not have the pleasure to meet as they were all long dead and gone by the time he was born. Her stories for him was his greatest learning thus far about this home, his family heritage and the world outside of Orleans, she was a wonderful story teller. She told young Jacques that her Father was the equivalent of a character we know as “Archie Bunker”, a Proud Creole’ and his name was Jacques L. Breaux.

If you were not in his direct Family he did not like you. Period! Well their shopping trip was going really well as they had walked over to Kress and had lunch. He had a hotdog with chips and a drink and he couldn’t wait to tell his brothers about their little excursion. When they went to Krauss to do the remainder of their shopping his Mother hand both hands full with bags, he was not really sure what was in those bags and it really didn’t matter to him. His Mother got his attention and told him and his Grandmother “to not move and for them to wait right there in this particular spot in the store” for her to return.

His Mother knew that she would have to wrap up the shopping as her other children would be returning home from school soon and that they should get finished and head home. The moment that she turned and walked away from them they looked at each and smiled. Off they went in search of the toy section of the store, they had no idea where they were going or how they would arrive there. It took over an hour for his Mother to find them and when she did she spanked Jacques on his little hinny scolding him while beating his butt. What an interesting day that it has been he thought as she spanked him. He did not cry a drop from the spanking.


[1] *Creole*, of Negro descent, mixed with French, Spanish, Haitian, Native Indian or all of the prior.

Chapter 5 Celebration

After four days of doing that stuff he is finally trying to get back to normal. When he finally got back to work he and went straight into his office, he doesn’t drink coffee so that’s not an issue for him. His secretary pokes her head into his office and says,” Al wants to see you and he’s angry. Here we go, he thinks that he is about to lose another job over smoking coke. I hate freebase. I hate Cocaine!

So, he gets up, straightens his tie and starts the long walk down the hall to his manager’s office. All the while he’s thinking, fantasizing, that he should be his boss’s boss. His work situation is a joke as he caught his boss having sex with his secretary a month or so ago and he should have gone public with it then. Today it would be “sour grapes” and he would still get kicked out on his can. Better to just be quiet and see where this is going to go. Fat chance. He gets called into his office all the time. This is normal after one of his little hiatus’.

So, he goes into his boss’ office and Al is smiling this smile, one that he cannot read right off. Shit, he is going to fire him. Actually if the truth be known he deserves to be fired like ten times over so; His boss starts off with the normal attendance shit, “You should this”, “You should that”, blah blah blah, yada yada yada and he all most says, “shit Al get to the point” but he did not. Sometimes, listening has served him real well a time or two. Then his boss says, I have a great opportunity for you and it’s been approved by Corporate.

Whoa, you have a great opportunity for me? Why is he so paranoid? He’s thinking, really? What the hell could this position be about and why me? Well his boss is happy to expound, he goes on to tell him that he’s the new corporate entertainment liaison. “What in God’s F-ing name is a Corporate Liaison”? Well let’s see, whenever we have celebrities in Five Seasons Hotel it’s his job to entertain them if they would like entertainment. Party Favors? Yes, whatever they want. O.K. Al, what in the hell does that mean? He says that he should read in between the lines and does what it is that he Jacques does best.

And this is my new job and y’all are going to pay me for this. I’m like the Doctor, right? And his boss answers to the affirmative. So, I should get them whatever they want or need, and take them wherever they want to go? That is what the Corporate Limo is for, his boss responses. And exactly how do I get them to tell me this information Al, to tell me what they want? Jacques you have a gift for doing this and you are good at it and people like you.

They will always tell you what they want; as a matter of fact can you run and get me like, an eight ball? Al, you’re my boss, your wish is my command! You want an eight ball and you have the cash, right?

Unbelievable and he thought that he was about to get fired, not promoted and this is unreal as they pay him more than Forty Thousand Dollars Annually! Un-fucking-believable! After going home to get that for Al, he thinks that he should celebrate. That’s the ticket, Celebration Time. He dropped off the coke and got the cash from his boss then he thinks that he should take the rest of the day off and get his head right.

A thought creep’s into his mind and he has trouble even thinking about it. What if he has an episode while entertaining Client’s, he would surely lose his job if he had a meltdown in front of a Client. Then he has a self dialogue, you are not going to melt down, you are stronger than that and an average man. It’s the past, let it go and as those words go through his mind a flash goes off in his mind. Massive light, heat and an explosion, I’m dead and this is surely going to burn me to death. No, stop it, stop this isn’t real, wake up. And he comes to and is sweating profusely. He’s going to have to change his shirt; shit does he have an extra in the car?

Time to do a little celebrating. Where? If he goes home we all know what is going to happen there. He’s got it; He thinks that he’ll stop at this bar that he passes almost every day on the way home from work. Almost every day, bullshit. You pass it when you go to work and that is probably about a fourth of the month. Great idea, go there and call Marabina and see if she is in the city so you can make up for your last fuck up. Maybe she would like dinner and flowers, no roses. And when did you become such a fuck up? You ran the Universe for so long and look at you now; you can’t even keep your relationship afloat.

That was a week or so ago and you have not even called or returned her calls. O.K. send her two dozen roses. Quit screwing up. Note to self, quit being such a screw up and get it together. And it is o.k. for you actually liking her and to let her know that you jerk- off. Tell her. TELL HER! He drives a little further up Westinheimer and he sees the flashing red light. That is a little strange. Why does this bar have a rotating red light in front of it? Probably to get people’s attention just like it got your attention; still, don’t you think that that is a little strange? Nope.

Strange is in the mind of the beholder. Not that strange at all. Man, loosen up your tie and let’s go in and get a drink. You used to love drinking Chevas on the rocks, you’re a scotch man. “Right, a Scotch Man”! The last time you drank Chevas you got a D.W.I. Wow, he remembers being pronounced legally dead on the B.A.C. Little Rock Arkansas, wow, now that’s a place! What a joke as he hasn’t drunk in months. Maybe over a year, his life is all about the cola, “the white girl”, “and the powder”. He is about getting and using, and seeking new ways to get more drugs. Even if he has to go to Peru! You have not been to Peru. Ok, Columbia! “Note to self, go directly to the source”. That is what you do and it is so sad, not really a life at all just. Barely an existence.

Forget that and get your ass in there and celebrate your promotion, stop thinking so much. He opens the door to the club and this is not a bar, it is strip club and there is naked or half naked chick’s everywhere. Amazing, this will only be his third time in a strip club, ever! Very interesting.

The music was very loud and the stench of smoke, lots of smoke was everywhere. This is a somewhat new experience and that is interesting as he has only been to one or two other clubs’ like this when he was in the Military. Actually it was once when he was in Basic Training. What a six week hell that was! San Antonio, Texas. We won’t be telling that story today, and that is another story for another time! He walked right up to the bar like he belonged there, like he lives there.

He ordered a Chevas, “hey make it a double”. And the barkeep does, a heavy handed double and it goes down like satin. Smooth. The warm sensation begins to engulf his entire body and perhaps he should drink them in four or five sips instead of two that is not two sips that is two gulps. Anyway, he feels warm inside and good for a change. Feeling good is good enough for him today. Another please, and another and shit he forgot to call Marabina, completely forgot and he is distracted and of course it is always somebody else’s fault. So he goes to the pay phone and calls her thinking, what am I going to say?

She answers, Hello? He says Hello Beautiful and she actually sounds excited to hear from him. Where have you been Jacques and why haven’t you called me? He says, I’m calling you now, been real busy with work and I have good news. I just got a promotion at work and am celebrating out with my staff and my boss Al. Wow, what a lie and it was not even necessary. They chat for a while and make some sketchy plans for the weekend when she will be in the City. Why on earth did he do that, he should have just left it at that, “I will call you soon”.

And he is all ways distracted and wow, what a distraction tonight. Four feet eleven inches tall, and maybe ninety five pounds if soaking wet, olive skin and dark hair and her eyes are like two black pools. Big round beautiful black pools! Beautiful and she teaches him how to say Beautiful in Italian. Bella, Bella or something like that and he’s a little drunk, so it escapes him relatively quickly and of course he’s trying to close the deal. A, B, C, Baby, “always be closing”! Hell, he’s not trying to close, he’s doing it and she is going for it. And he has the most remarkable news, she doesn’t like coke! Yeah! She is into Val’s, (valium) downers and he has tons of them and no problem giving her as many as she would like. “Hey, can you take off tonight” and I live down south of here. He hears himself say out loud.

Let me check with my boss she says, stay right here and do not go off or with any of the other dancers. “I’m cool, will wait right here for you”. Cool! She glides off like as if she is on a skates or connected to some kind of moving floor. It’s not like she is walking at all and with those long high heels. How can she walk in those he thinks and his eyes go up her legs, well to you know where. “I hate to see you go and I love to watch you leave”! He hears himself saying that out loud. Laughing out loud to himself. He is so in the zone and this chick is really going for him.

That feels so confusing and calling Marabina! Shit, Fuck! What is wrong with you man? Here you have an amazing woman with it all. A woman of most men’s dream! She is from a prestigious well know family; they own a large hotel chain. She has tons of money and is a really beautiful woman. A super beautiful woman!

Chapter 6 Brotherly Love

Brother Alexander Moore. Whew, thanks for saving me from the horrible woman

and it is just a thought. Not a spoken word comes out of his mouth. “So” he says, I

hear that you’re going to become a priest. He nods his head and just keep walking

with him. Jacques, where did you learn how to draw? He finally speaks and really

does not say much, “I just draw because I do not have nothing to do mostly”.  He

quickly corrects him, “do not have anything to do”. Repeat that, he says. I draw

because I do not have anything to do.

He laughs. And Jac’s has no idea what is so funny and he doesn’t dare ask. Most of his experiences with Priest and Brothers is that they are mean and will hit you if you speak out. So, He is going to just be as quite as possible. Then he asks, why do you want to become a priest? Oh boy, here we go, “I am going to get paddled or some other form of punishment if I answer that question”. “I really do not want to be a priest. My Mom & Sister Jane Mary Margaret made the decision and I am just doing what I’m told”.

He makes a sound like “Huummfftt”. Do you always do what you are told? “Nope”. Hardly ever is his thought. Now why on earth would you go and do something like that? This is not a job son; it is more of a calling. Do you understand what I mean when I say that? Uumm, no not really. Being a priest is an important job and it comes with lots of responsibilities. Do you understand responsibilities? Uumm, no not really. “You are a man of few words Jacques, he says smiling. He sorts of chuckles to himself. “A man” he thinks to himself, I am just a boy Brother, just a little boy. He then says lets go out for a walk in the garden and we head out the side door of the Rectory.

This is the first time that he has gone out of the side door. We are only allowed to enter through the front door or the back door. What a silly rule. The rectory garden is a very green and beautiful place if you like that sort of thing. There is a statue of the Blessed Virgin Mary to kneel if you would like to and pray. The smell of May flowers and Camilla’s are in the air. The heat is so hot that it is stifling, if you even think of moving you start sweating. Where are we going Brother he asks? Just for a brief walk and some conversation. “Conversation”! To talk, and not very many people have ever wanted to talk to him so far. This is amazing to Jac’s that he wants to talk to him!

He, Brother Moore is very easy going and easy to talk to. How odd. After a while Jac’s asks him, why do you ask so many questions Brother? His response, “I am writing a book”. Wow, now that is interesting even to his little mind. Brother he says, you mean that you know how to write a book? He simply says, “yes”. Then we are walking towards this big massive shed, about eighty feet long and maybe fifty feet wide. It is completely made of metal fabricated structure that is shaped with a rounded roof. It’s in the school yard off from the Rectory and at the Glavez Street side of the school yard.

He had always wondered what was in there and never knew or went in it before.

Brother Moore unlocked a side door and extends his hand for Jacques to go in.

Well, it looks dark in there and he doesn’t want to go into the darkness so he is

somewhat hesitant. Somewhat hesitant, that’s an understatement! And he slowly

start walking into the building. There is a loud “Clack” sound and then the lights

are on inside this hugh shed. We go into the isle and there is row after row of stuff.

Well to Jacques it is stuff because he has no idea what it is.

Brother Moore says’ “would you like to see some of my art work”? Sure, I’m really dying to see your work. As if! He’s thinking that he would really rather like to be off playing and here he is stuck in this hot shed with this Brother. That he doesn’t know looking at art work that he really doesn’t want to see. He opens up this large cardboard box and lifts out this rolled piece of what looks like paper. It’s very old looking, like a scroll or something. He unrolls it in front of him and he can see little specks of dust falling and it is floating in the air. When they fall they create a tiny little light explosion and he cannot believe his eyes. Jacques’ mouth falls open and no sound comes out.

Well, he is really not sure what to say or to make of it. It is this beautiful dark

skinned woman holding a beautiful child. The most beautiful woman with dark

skin that he has ever seen. Their clothes are kind of odd as she has something

wrapped around her, and her clothes are draped around her body. He notices that the baby’s head is perfectly smooth, not a hair on it! No eyebrows or hair of any type any place on this child’s body. And he has something wrapped around him too. He is thinking that I am glad that we do not have to dress like that. Then Brother Moore says, “Do you know who this is”? Nope, is his answer? He says “The Black Madonna”! Wow, who is the Black Madonna?

He musters out that she is very pretty and beautiful and Brother Moore asks, “what about the child rather abruptly”? He looks a little longer at the child and something

starts to happen to him. The little sparkles of light are everywhere and he really has

to focus as he looks at this most beautiful child. It is that feeling again. The same

one he had when he was having that dream about his Grandma, the feelings are identical. And it feels so wonderful that he is standing there frozen in time, sort of

just smiling. And enjoying this slightly warm, gentle feeling that has completely

engulfed his being.

Then from nowhere this cool breeze comes into the room and it is ninety-nine degrees outside which would make it way over a hundred and ten in this shed. He is lost in this feeling and the light show is amazingly remarkable. Flashes of light are everywhere and it’s like a symphony. When Brother Moore touches his shoulder he comes to, sort of. He has all ready put the picture up and Jacques is not really sure what has just happened. When he looks up at Brother Moore he is smiling this very broad smile. He says that he has responsibilities to take care of and that you should be heading home.

Jacques starts to say nice meeting you and when he looks over to him, he is gone. There is no one there but himself, he is all alone. He is standing outside the shed in the school yard alone. The heat outside in Orleans is unbearable. He receives a sharp pain in his head right above his right eye, the pain is blinding. There are no other children playing, or anyone that he can see. And nothing, I mean nothing is moving out there, not even a breeze.

Chapter 7 – The Celebration Continues

Back to South Houston, Man, he is so all of a sudden conflicted within himself and this Stripper Chick and he are off, we are out of there and heading South to the pad. What are these weird feelings and where are they coming from. It is like he can taste them and they are confusing him and yet he continues. He thinks to himself that he is going to call his girlfriend and will follow through with our plans and You and I both know that, that is not going to happen anytime soon. He tells himself that he will call her again tomorrow. Right! We are getting this party started and this beautiful young woman and he are really hitting it off. And we both know why we came to his house and exactly what we’re going to do. She dances around the living room to the music that was all ready on and he opens a drawer at the bottom of the bookshelf and reaches in, his hand comes out holding a large clear plastic sandwich bag. The bag is half full of little blue pills. It stops her in her tracks and she says, “Are those for me”? His reply was, “what is in it for me”? She saunters over to where he’s standing and brings her body up his, in a fluid motion. Before he knows it, she is kissing him in the mouth and he embrace’s her and is kissing her back hard.

Clothes are flying everywhere and he forgot that his bone-head roommate has not showed his face and which is a good thing. They stumble and almost fall and both start laughing as he leads her to the bedroom. Wow, this is such a beautiful woman and she has a “body by Mattel”. A “little mini-enduro model”! This is so cool and they start making out on the bed and, well you know what happens. For a couple of hours he doesn’t think about anything but the pleasure they are giving each other. It is almost as if they are trying to outdo each other, pleasure wise. The more she does, the more he does, and they just keep doing more and more sexual things to each other. Time slips away and what he knows is that they are two heaving bodies of sweat and joy. And he says Joy because this feels like more than sex or a “one night stand”. It is somehow more real and that is so unusual for him. He is the King of “One Night Stands” Wow! Let’s take a break he hears himself saying and he is huffing & puffing slightly out of breathe. Can I get you some water; he offers her some water or a drink or something. She says, “Surprise me”!

As he slides out of the bed he realizes that he is soaking wet with sweat, it is from his head to his toes. He turns looking back into the room and thinks, that has to be a fucking angel in my bed! “A fucking angel”, quite literally. There is some light in the room from the few candles that he had managed to light before they got started. The room almost has a glow to it, very cool. Actually very cool! Angel’s don’t do shit like that, thinking to himself which made him laugh out loud. She says “what”? What are you laughing about? He says, “Nothing” and heads off to the kitchen, in just his birthday suit.

After some water, a drink and a little conversation he says to her, well where do you want me to take you? He can see the look of disappointment on her face and then he asked, “Can I have your phone number, and I would really like to see you again”. She gets up and her tiny beautiful body is glistening and she sort of trots out of the room as naked as the day she was born. He starts thinking, “you are not going to call her”. You are such a fucking liar! A feeling of sadness engulfs him and when she walks back in he puts on a happy face and convinces her that they will get together soon. He is a master at wearing mask; it is what he knows how to do. When? I don’t know exactly when, but really soon. This is just one of his many masks that he wears, and he wears them well!

Chapter 8 – Stand at attention Soldier

He comes to and everything is hazy and his eyes are blurred. Were in the hell am

I? What day is it and where am I? There is a window near-by and outside he can

see the bright sunshine on the tree tops. What in God’s name has happened? These

are hospital clothes, a gown and he is in a room. There are on handcuffs or

restraints and that is a good sign.

He sits up in the bed and everything seems to be working ok right now, standing makes him feel a little woozy as he is peering out into the hallway. Sounds like some kind of party is going on! Why on earth would there be a party going on in a hospital and this is definitely is a hospital? Which hospital? Where in the hell am I?

WOW! There is a beautiful light skinned African American Nurse walking directly towards him so he stops and she is definitely coming him. She smiles real big, her teeth are a bright white, large beautiful brown pools are her sparkling eyes and her skin looks like a “double sweet caramel latte”.

Her hair is braided, shoulder length plats and he cannot stop starring at her full

pout lips. Wow! Her voice which sounds like fine silk feels says “How are you

feeling today, we were worried for a while as you have been out for a few days”. A

few days! What day is it is the thought that races through his mind? What day is it

he says out loud? She smiles again and her lips part and she says, “Sunday 12

September 1979”!

What? Not sure if he said that or thought it! 1979! Whoa, a dizzying feeling begins to engulf him and the hallway starts to spin. The spinning gets faster and faster. And as hard as he can, he tries to focus on her and the spinning just gets faster and faster. Then darkness with flashing light spots is creeping in, slowly and then all at once, pitch black.

He vaguely hears a loud slapping “Slap “sound and he thinks it is his face hitting the cold hard floor. “Elvis has left the building”! A warm sensation is on his right cheek and as he slowly starts to open his eyes the light begins to flicker, bright very bright. Nurse Carlotta’s hands are holding his face. Her voice is soft, dripping sweet sugar, “Col. Brigg’s are you o.k.”? This brings him back into complete consciousness.

She is leaning over him as he lay on the floor, its cold to his back and slowly he starts coming around and remembering. All of a sudden he remembers Nurse Carlotta coming towards him; a flash goes through his mind about how sexy she is! Then it comes screeching into him mind like a booming sound loud and in slow motion, “Nineteen Seventy Nine”! He can hear himself saying, “Nineteen Seventy Nine”?

Did you have to give me mouth to mouth resuscitation? She is laughing now and

shaking her head back and forth in a no motion and her hair is moving as she does

the movement. No, Col. Briggs you came to before it was necessary. A feeling of

almost sadness starts to engulf him, like cold water rising from the floor underneath him. He is thinking and drifting off imagining how wonderful her full

pout lips would feel against his. He wonders what her lipstick taste like? Does her

lip’s taste as sweet as say a double sweet caramel latte?

Her voice breaks the mini-movie that is playing his mind… “Col. Brigg’s” he hears her saying. It somehow feels like sugar going into his ears! “Col. Briggs”! If that is the name that she knows him as and has identified me as then he has come to this place under cover name. Where am I Carlotta, He asks? Eagle Lake Washington sir, why do you ask?

Where did you think that you where did you think that you were at Sir? Sounding

confused he replied, I am not real sure. How on earth did I get to Eagle Lake

Washington? Then the sharp pain in his head strikes like an Iron Fist from a Kung

Fu Master. Ouch, “oh my God” he says out loud as darkness starts to engulf him


In his mind’s eye he is all of a sudden back in the kitchen in Kemah, Texas. They

have been getting high for days on end smoking free base and sexing with those

two chicks. He tells everyone it is time to stop, nobody’s listening so he yells “It is

time to stop, get out”! Bina’s face flashes through his mind. Someone slams the

door, Wham! The sound transfixes him in his mind. The next sound that he hears is

the crackle of the radio. Alpha Seven, Alpha Seven, come in alpha Seven! Give me

a Sit-Rep Alpha Seven, come in? WHAM, Wham! Is the sound that the falling

mortar shells make as the explosion hits the outer wall of the building he and his

team are inside of. Alpha Seven here; under heavy fire and receiving some

resistance, Intel said minimal resistance…

We will notify a.s.a.p. on the package once visual confirmation is verified. He speaks into the mic again, Mother, confirm visual on the package. Wham, Boom! The explosions are happening more rapidly now. Come in Mother, we are about to get our asses handed to us over here! We are going to have to move out to the LZ very soon.

Come in Mother “Fucker”! God Damit, answer me Mother! Mother his stationary elevated sniper and he has an overall view of this Op. He is his eyes so to speak. Mother here, is the voice that comes through the radio, Alpha Seven the package is going airborne, no resistance. Sit tight one, Alpha Seven! This is a support mission and because the package went airborne is why we are here. Operation Pre-Shah!

United States Air Force, Strategic Air Command. We are a mobile tactical unit in S.A.C. Whomever it was that we just extracted has something to do with and upcoming mission that’s causing a lot of chatter. We will remove the Shah of Iran. Not yet because we have to finish this “fubar mission”.

We are in Beirut, Lebanon and if the bullets were not whizzing by and the mortar shells and frag grenades were not exploding this would be a beautiful place. They dropped in a Navy Seal Team with us and they are did the prime extraction, not even 100% sure who the package is that is being taken out of this hell hole!

Once we finish here it is right back to work as we have to move on to Iran as the plan is to remove the Shah out to a Navy Vessel. “Fan-fucking–tastic Sir, Excellent Mission is what he said when he was given these orders. Actually when he said that he was really thinking that his team and he should be on some well deserved R&R! Somewhere Tropical would be excellent, no time for that right now.

Alpha Team he says into the mic, regroup outside of location Charlie, Move! We are hot ladies & gentleman recon support is over, go loud and watch your back-drops. People live here! Get to the LZ, let’s go Alpha! All six men are pressed up against the wall of this bullet tattered building that we were just in. We got them in, they are gone and now it is time to get us out.

Gathering Intel my ass he is thinking, we got nothing and we haven’t fired a single

shot. Until now, the sound of an AK-47 sounds off in our direction and a Team

Member returns fire, TAT TAT TAT TAT! The shorter version M-16 GAU

sounded off! A loud Boom is the sound from the distance, it is Mother and he splits

the targets body into pieces.

His M1A4 makes a distinct sound, also because of his hand loads that he just fired. He allows his men to have whatever they want and is available and it is all available! And he speaks into the mic, “Mother, come down in less than two mike and we are going to be downstairs waiting. Let me know if you see any resistance”. He laughs out loud, no fucking piddling people, let’s move. Time to go home!

Alpha Team is on the move, we are heading west through this Urban Jungle. Wall

to wall stone and brick houses is all you can see. With front doors & windows and

most are made of wood and remarkably He notices the colors, they all have

different colors. The different color windows and doors make’s him think about

home. Damn, sometimes I really miss Orleans and he forces himself to stop

the mental wandering. Focus, stay alert and get your men out of here alive! Get

your team extracted alive, that is most unusual that our Intel said “minimum


They move to Mothers location and he moves into the strike line and they continue down this street heading due West. We are eight men total and we move so fluently that it is almost like we are slithering. We have to get to the coastline and we are doing a water extraction. He really hates water extraction’s, he really “really” hates water extractions. We encounter a small force; they were riding around in two flat bed trucks looking for us. We gladly serve them their wish; they die almost as soon as they find us.

The encounter is brief and very loud, concerned that we may have drawn more attention towards us we cautiously continue. Our point man is Joe Rodriguez and he has tracker in his bloodline for over five generations. We are on course. From the hilltop vantage point he can see the coastline, can’t and will not stop to enjoy the view.

Less than one click and he and his men will hit the beach. Onward we continue and he signals the radio-man to begin making contact. His radio-man is a second term Veteran who is serving his first mission with this team. It would be stupid to think right now how much they have done separately in there service to their Country. That is what we do; no questions asked we just follow orders. That is what we are trained to do, follow orders to the letter!

We are rapidly approaching the coast; so far we have not encountered any additional resistance. He moves up the line and gets the mic from his radio –man, his name is Stanley Sneed and we call him Speedy. Alpha Seven to AC Control, Come In!

The radio volume is turned way down low because detection could mean certain death. The response comes through the radio like blood flowing through a main artery. Go Alpha Seven. Be advised AC Control we are in range and at the LZ… Roger that Alpha Seven, stand by one. From behind a sand dune we pull out and lift over our heads a black ten man rubber boat with what looks like a Forty Five Horse Power Engine. We are running with this boat over our heads in and through the sand. Into the water it goes and everyone is jumping into it.

The radio crackles, Alpha seven, head west, northwest for less than one Mike and they are floating the buoy. Acknowledge when you see the light on your approach Alpha Seven! The water taste heavy of sea salt and with no moon it is completely black. In the sky stars are twinkling and the constellations and planets are so bright that he doesn’t need to look at a compass.

The Ggrrrr of the engine sounds so loud over the water, Mother he says over the engine noise, get your Starlight Gear on and if anything moves on the beach kill it! There is a little dim light coming from the shore and it almost looks pretty. Beirut, The Jewel of Lebanon!

Alpha seven, come in Alpha Seven. This is Alpha Seven he says, Go. Have you spotted the light Alpha Seven? That’s a negative, no light! No sighting yet, where is the fucking buoy? Then about six hundred yards out North, North West he saw a flash of light. As the dark black swells of ocean rose up & down the buoy became clearer and closer. Come in AC Control, and as he said that the wind blew a spray of salt water in his face. He did not laugh or grin. Go Alpha Seven, the voice replied out of the radio. Buoy sighted, approximately five hundred yards North, North West. Roger That Alpha Seven sit on your ten-twenty, hold one.

The Ggrr of the motor quickly went down to a low putting sound as Mike, the boats driver had got the signal from him. The signal was his moving his hand under his chin in a slicing motion from left to right. The rocking of the boat was quite calming as he has always loved the motion of the ocean.

Then all of a sudden about three hundred to four hundred yards away from

us he could see the darkness of the ocean parting, first a slim tube, then the

submarine began to surface. Wow! What a sight and the initial feeling of relief, the

adrenalin beginning to subside. For a moment or two a sharp stabbing pain hits him

in the spine, he feels temporarily paralyzed! Then the thought of breathing recycled

air, yuck. This thought brings him back from the pain and it is not one of his

favorite things to do.

All of his men climb out of the boat onto the sub then up a ladder. Each step has

to be taken carefully as it is so dark that you can barely see your feet below you.

Up we go on the side ladder, then into the upper hatch. Then down about a seven

foot ladder in this beast. Being last to leave our boat, he opens a snap valve and the

sound of escaping air pierces the silence with a loud, Sssssshhhing sound. As he

scurry’s up the ladder, when he looks over his shoulder he can barely see the last of

our rubber boat going down under the dark water.

He looks up at the black sky and then down the ladder into the Sub. This is going to be the longest six days in History. Being inside of this underwater mechanical tube is not something that he is looking forward to. Since this isn’t his first time doing this, he simply slides down without taking a step and when he hits the deck at the bottom of the ladder his boots make a loud slap sound.

A Naval Officer snaps to attention saluting him, and as he raises his hand to salute him he feels a sudden tiredness begin to over take his body. The adventure of the mission is beginning to wear completely off. Almost as if someone turned off a switch and he barely hears him say, Captain Hill is waiting to be debriefed by you Sir! You are supposed to meet him in the “Con”, Please follow me Sir!

Chapter 9 – Let’s get to work Soldier

So he finished eating his chow and into the office he goes. Dr. Watson is behind a desk that is completely covered with paper, Top Secret this, “Eyes Only” that. And he is stuffing them into a rather large brief case. Dr. Watson says Jacques I was trying to find your paperwork and you are just going to have to trust us on this. Trust you, he says not even thinking! Just yesterday you had me bagged and beaten, why on earth would I trust you?

Dr. Watson starts in about him being the perfect candidate, that he is a pragmatist almost sociopath high functional potential killing machine. And that the Government needs men like him, Jacques stops the Doctors rant. Dr. Watson please tell me exactly what it is that you want me to do for the Government? I would tell you Jacques and we have to leave, we have to get to New Jersey and take a flight to your Op’s Base which by the way is going to RAF Bentwaters/Woodbridge a twin base complex in England.

Jacques reply was England, as in the United Kingdom, England? He stammers, I have a cousin over there and Dr. Watson said yes I know, and you will get to see her for the first two days that we are there. Should be fun huh Jacques? Why only for two days Dr. Watson, and how do you know that I have a cousin over there? Dr. Watson simply said, Jacques I know everything about you, even stuff that you don’t know yet and you will. In time you will come to know many things.

Jacques, do you remember being very sick when you were real young, like when you were seven years old the Doctor asks? No not really Dr. Watson, why do you ask? Because I was there, back then with you as my patient. I did most of my internship at Julane Medical Center in Orleans and I saw you once when you were very young. You came to my attention because you had an unexplained seizure of some sort. You don’t remember do you Jacques? He shook his head and said, I don’t remember that Doc. We will be able to work on some of the memory issues that you have and you will be better for it. We will cover many topics and things will start to come back to you. This is a promise that I make to you Jacques.

Jacques, do me a favor and grab that bag over there, it has everything that you might need in it and let’s go as we can’t miss this flight. So he does, he grabs the hulk bag and they walk outside into a cold bright sunny day. There is a dark black car with Government plates on it and the driver gets out and opens the door for Dr. Watson. As Doctor Watson is walking by Jacques says to him, Doc. that shit you just told me is weird. Come, come Jacques and it is not weird at all and I will try to explain more of it to you later. Is the word “weird” something that you use when you can’t or won’t describe how you’re really feeling? Jacques pulls a pair of sun glasses out of the top pocket of his uniform and thinks to himself, I will do this for my Country, or I will die trying!

Well let’s fast forward, flight from San Antonio Texas to New Jersey. Got some time to kill so he takes a cab over into the City! It’s New York, New York! A really cool three hour run around Manhattan and it’s like he has been there his whole life. He grabs another cab back to the airport in Jersey.

It fucking smells funny in the air there in New Jersey, and where is old Jersey? Twelve almost thirteen hour flight to Heathrow, now that’s a busy airport. There’s the Doctor and when he see’s Jacques he raises his hand beckoning him to come over to where he and very attractive woman are seated and it looks like they are having drinks. Jacques please say hello to Trisha, “well hello Trisha”. He holds her hand shake for an extended lingering period and finally she withdraws her hand.

Jacques, Trisha will be assisting us in your Travels, Missions and TDY’s and with whatever you need. Hmm, I can think of a couple things that I need right off the bat. Was that his conscience voice he wonders to himself? Trisha finally speaks and she has a very British accent, sexy. She says here you go Jacques, here’s your Cousins address and the Doctor says it’s ok if you head over there for a couple days. She lifts up what looks like a black leather purse (a clutch, a man purse) and says, your credentials are in there and some quid for you to get around. Jacques says some Quid, what’s that? Money, Jacqs, British Sterling Pounds.

You will need money and there is a Passport in there, please hang on to that one as it is Canadian and would be very hard to replace. Also there is direction’s where we will meet outside of London on Monday or Tuesday depending on how long your little visit takes. Jacques looks over at Dr.

Watson and kind of cocks his head to the left with a raised eyebrow. Dr. Watson says “Jacques please keep your visit short as we should leave on Monday for Ellesmere Island”. You have to go through a crash course of sorts, you will be training with the British SAS at a Blacks Op’s Base that is actually hidden there. Then you and your new team will leave from RAF Bentwaters for Iran.

You copy Jacques, “10-4 Dr. Watson, I’m going to take off and will see you and Trisha on Monday or Tuesday”. Oh yeah Jacques get a haircut while you are out. As Jacques walks away he throws his new man-purse over his shoulder. Where on earth is “Ellesmere Island”? He hop’s into the back of a cab and reads the address to the driver, 132 Fulton Street in the town of Ipswich, Jacques said to the driver. “Sure thing Chief, will bloody have you there in flash, about thirty minutes”. Because of the blokes accent Jacques has no idea what the taxi cab driver just said to him so he responds with, whatever.

He is off in his head, Ellesmere Island, Crash Course, and British SAS. This is going to be so much fun and he has no idea what in the hell he has signed up for. Off they go and Jacques is looking out the window of the taxi and looking at the sights of London and thinking to him, Away we go. He spots Big Ben right off and there’s the Tower Bridge too. Then the thought crosses his mind, I don’t have any clothes except that uniform, this T-shirt jeans and jacket. WTF!

Chapter 10 – All around Orleans

When Jacques opens his eyes it looks like a hospital bed and his Mother’s head is resting on the bed next to his little hand. Momma, wake up what’s wrong? Inside his head he feels a stinging sensation over his right eye. Momma wake up and she lifts her head and can see that she’s been crying and asks her, what’s wrong? She looks straight into his eyes and says that the Doctor’s can’t find anything wrong with you. He affirms that and says there is nothing wrong with me, why did you bring me here? She places her hand on his before speaking and then says. Jacques last Friday night you came home late from school with this story about a Brother, do you remember? No Momma, what Brother? She responds with Brother Alexander Moore, and you said you and he had gone into the big shed in the school yard and looked at some pictures. Do you remember saying that Jacques? Qui, I remember now he was showing me artwork Momma. Well son, here is the problem. Brother Moore doesn’t get to Orleans until today and that was last Friday when you said that.

Wait, what, today is Monday? Yeah Cher, today’s Monday and we are at the Ear, Nose and Throat Hospital inside Juliana Hospital. I cannot pay for this bill and they can’t find anything wrong with you. Last Friday you went into some kind of fit son. You were bleeding from your nose badly and I didn’t know what to do and couldn’t make it stop bleeding. So we brought you here.

A young doctor comes in and his Sister Sophia is with the doctor. “Hey Jacques, how are you feeling young man”? What who are you?  I am Doctor Watson and I have been taking care of you since you got here on Friday evening. Your Mother has told me all about you and the delusions that you are having or had.

The young Doctor asks his Mother has this ever happened before. She says no not to my recollection and she looks up at Sophia, wondering. Sophia just shakes her head back and forth in a no motion. The Doctor begins to check Jacques with his stethoscope, take a deep breath for me, and another please, and another. The Doctor shines a small pen flash light into Jacques eyes and says well, “he is responding to everything perfectly so I don’t see any reason he can’t go home today”. His Mother is tired and baffled, so what’s wrong with him Doctor? He is just fine Mrs. P and I don’t want to butcher your last name ok.

The young Doctor takes his Mother’s hand into his and says, Madam “where science leaves off, God begins”! You do believe in God don’t you, and she says Yes, Qui, we all do! At that exact moment a tall young light skinned black man walks into the room and announces, “I’m Brother Alexander Moore, who’s Jacques”? He shakes the Doctors hand and leans into him and says something under his breath. The Doctor simply shakes his head up & down in a yes motion and bids everyone a proper ado. How is everyone doing and everyone are smiles except Jacques, he has this quizzical look on his face.

May I speak with Jacques alone please he asks of his Mother and she takes Sophia and walks promptly out of the room? He turns to Jacques and that is when he sees it, it is all around Brother Moore and Jacques excitedly says you have the light like my Grandma! Brother Moore puts his index finger over his mouth and says “Shhhssss Jacques”. He then turns and closes the door to the hospital room. He turns back to Jacques and says, so you are a very special Boy. Jacques is very confused as this is the very man that he spent time with in that hot humid shed last Friday. But everyone told him that it was impossible because Brother Moore hadn’t arrived from D.C. yet, where every that is. Brother Moore appearing outwardly excited asked Jacques to tell him everything that happened last Friday and try hard to remember the details.

Well, Jacques starts babbling everything that he could remember and was very descriptive about the pictures of the Madonna and The Baby! Brother Moore mostly listened and every now and then he would hmm or say, really. After Jacques takes a pause Brother Moore says to Jacques, that “you have been given a gift from God and we have to teach you how to use this gift”. “And that he work’s for the Vatican in Rome and has to write a full report about the event and him”. Jacques says out loud, are you sure that you have to write a report about me Brother, why me? My school grades aren’t that good Brother! Brother Moore looks directly into Jacques eyes almost starring and says, God chooses his warriors and we have to obey God’s Will.

And remarked ably this is happening all over the Country and we are trying to make a connection with you and the other odd ninety-eight children that this is happening to. Do you understand that Jacques, he asks? Jacques is merely a confused child with so much information to take in, in one day no doubt!

I guess so Brother and I don’t know how to be Gods Warrior and my Grandma told me that before she went to be with Jesus and I wish that since God likes me so much that he would have Jesus please send me my Grandma back. Brother Moore laughs out loud and it is so loud and deep that Jacques actually finds himself covering his ears. Jacques is starting to get angry inside and Brother Moore can sense it and see it on his little face.

Jacques, I apologize for laughing and I owe you an amends Jacques. I need to make this situation right and I was not laughing at you, I was laughing at what you said. I will try to explain this to you because this is a confusing situation. Brother Moore says and now I know why I was sent here. First things first, do you accept my apology? Jacques simply replies, yes sir. Brother Moore extends his hand and Jacques put his little hand out and it is completely covered by Brother Moore’s hand. Good, then we are friends? Yes sir is Jacques’ simple reply.

Brother Moore starts talking out loud about Brother Keith and Brother Lenny’s phone calls from Jacques’ Parrish Church and now it makes sense to him. He asks Jacques how much involvement have you had with Brothers Keith and Lenny, Jacques? They both help out with us Alter Boys and they try to give us guidance from time to time. Well, the church is going to take care of the bill here and so we will tell your Mother “not to worry, no worries”! Jacques why don’t you get dressed and I will go outside and have a talk with your Mother. She must be worried sick and I can try to explain to her what is going on.

He thinks to himself; explain to her, hell what about explaining it to me. Jacques ask Brother Moore, where are my clothes? And he responds in that middle drawer. The Brother steps outside of the room and closes the door behind him. Jacques gets up and out of the hospital bed and leans forward to open the drawer. Then it hits him so all of a sudden. How did Brother Moore know where my clothes where? He starts dressing as fast as he can because he has so many questions that he wants to ask Brother Moore.

And what is a “Brother”? **“lesser brothers” after the example of Saint Francis himself. Out of these God calls some friars to serve at the holy altar; these are priest who live out the priestly vocation as Friars of the Renewal. Other friars are called to live as Religious Brothers, or more commonly known as “Lay Brothers”. A lay brother is a friar who is consecrated to God through the traditional vows of poverty, chastity and obedience.

It is in this consecration that the lay brother finds his identity. Because he is consecrated to God who is Lord and Father of all he in turn becomes a “Brother” to all in the Body of Christ. Ultimately he is a witness to charity. The lay brother has as the focus of his lifestyle to live fraternal charity. Fraternal Charity is, in essence, his vocation and this is the message his life preaches both silently, through countless acts of service, and verbally, as he encourages those around him to live at a deeper love of God.**

**Taken from the official web site of the Community of the Franciscan Friars of the Renewal.**

Juliana Hospital is just above Canal Street so it takes them literally a matter of minutes to get his Mother & Sister and Jacques home. There was very little conversation in the car, more like an awkward silence is what it was. This is the first time that he has ridden in one of the Churches Cars and it was a short ride. As the car arrives in front of their house Brother Moore turns towards the back seat and says, Jacques after school tomorrow please come to the rectory and find me. I am sure that you have a lot of unanswered questions and we will talk about them all. He extends his hand to Jacques Mother and says, if there is anything that I can do to help you or that you need, please feel free to call on me at anytime. They all exit the vehicle on the curbside and the car take off.

As Jacques is walking towards the front steps of his family home he is looking at the car and the light surrounding Brother Moore. He asks out loud, “hey, can y’all see the light around Brother Moore”? His Mother and Sister looks at him and then at each other. His Mother simples says, Jacques you should come in the house and lie down and take some rest. You are going to school tomorrow, and I didn’t see any light. His Sister Sophia says, “Boy you are stupid and you don’t know nothing”. They walk in and his Father is sitting in the living room watching T.V. he doesn’t ask them how he is doing. He says to Jacques Mother, when will my dinner be ready?

Chapter 11 – He loves her, he loves her not

He and Marabina are lying in the bed, and there is a lamp on low and they can see each other. His hand is in her hair from his right arm as he is on his right elbow leaning over her. Her hand is on his face and they are just gazing at each other. He says this aloud and afterwards is not real sure that he should have said it. “I really enjoy making love to you Bina and I love it when you’re around”. She lifts herself up on one elbow and responds, “then shouldn’t I be around more”?  He kisses her tenderly and forces her back onto the bed, after the kiss he simply says, yes.

She is starting to drift off so much that he can see it. The Quaalude’s are kicking in now and not a minute too soon as he needs to sleep too. This staying awake for days has to stop and get a hold of yourself man. He is thinking this and as he lays his head down he starts to feel exactly how tired he really is. How tired he is of living this lie, this lifestyle that is no life at all. Why do I keep doing this he asks himself? It is a false duality and so much of his life is shrouded in secrecy. It’s almost like he is two different people at least. He’s so tired of this life and does not know what to do to change. He has been in the darkness for way too long.

He wants to be so much better for Bina and get to a place where he can give her and keep her in the lifestyle that she has grown accustomed to. That’s one of the reasons you sell drugs Fool! And in his thoughts he thinks of a recent memory of them walking at a park near the house. This was less than a month ago when he was disqualifying himself with her. He said something about her parents not liking him. She said, “That they hardly know you and that you never show up whenever they invited you anywhere”! Well, that’s because I didn’t go to the theater growing up and I don’t know very much about Classical Music. He said this as if he was defending himself.

She grabbed him by the arm and said, “Jacq’s, I don’t care what my parents think or don’t think, I love you”. He had no response for her and he could see that it hurt her, his not replying. So he scooped her up into his arms and started dancing with her. He spun her around and then caught her in a close embrace. He kissed her tenderly and the embrace lingered, after the kiss when he opened his eyes she was looking directly into him. In to his soulless self. And of course he asked her why do you look at me like that Bina? She said, you’re silly and I like looking at you.

He lifted himself up on one elbow and she had already drifted off to sleep. She looked amazing and so beautiful that he just stared at her, and then he said softly almost in a whisper. “God, if this is what you want for me then I too want it for me”. He and God hadn’t talked much in a very long time. There was no point to it. That wraps it. Amen!

And off to sleep he drifted and he started dreaming almost immediately. He started dreaming of how they met and it was in a club above a restaurant in Kemah almost a year ago. He and his roommate Trace were out on the prowl and that is when he first saw her. They were across a room from each other and it felt likes miles when he looked at her. She and two females probably had six or seven guys around them. When Trace noticed that he was looking at her he burst into laughter saying, “Bro, do you have any idea who that blonde is”. Nope, was Jacques replying and I am going to get with her. That is Marabina Marritton and her dad is richer than shit, he has more money than God! They own hotels all over the world and one of your favorite steak restaurants that we eat at on I-45.

“Really” was Jacques reply. I think that I will go over and talk to her, he said. Trace laughing said, yeah, right, like she’d talk to the likes of You Jacques. Jacques stood up, adjusted his Cowboy Hat and strolled over to the crowd around her. He listened for a minute and then pushed his way past a couple of guys and knelt down in front of her where she was sitting. And there was a really pretty girl sitting directly next to her. She paled in comparison to Marabina. They both looked at him and he smiled broadly. He extended his hand and said, “Are you ready to go”? She took his hand and they stood up together at the same moment almost like it was rehearsed and all she said was, yes. That is how they met and they walked away from the crowd and the club as if they had known each other for years.

He inside his mind while they walked away hand in hand was in momentary disbelief. He had only pulled that one off once before and it had happened before in a club in Orleans in the late Seventies. “Wow, two for two”!

The morning sun was coming in through the window and it was right in Jacques eyes and face. When he woke it felt like he had never went to sleep, damn the Morning came too fast. When he looked over at Bina she was in a deep sleep, he thought to himself that she looked like an angel all peaceful and serene. He quietly got out of the bed being careful not to disturb her and made his way into the shower. While showering he noticed he felt happy, very tired and happy. He thought to himself he would leave her a note and a flower so when she woke she would find it.

That’s a great idea and he can mention that they should go out on a proper date tonight. Somewhere fancy, as money wasn’t an issue. In the note it said he would call her later today with the plan. On his drive north towards downtown he noticed he had a Cowboy Hat on the front floorboard of his car. He actually laughed out loud, dressing like a Cowboy was in fashion, and it is 1982 in Houston Texas. He was laughing thinking that he was actually the “Anti-Cowboy”! He actually adapted the attire because Cowboys bought so much coke from him and it seemed to make them more comfortable. Suit by day and a Cowboy by night, what a fucking life. Probably going to take Bina to “Cowboys the Club” after a really elegant dinner tonight, that’s a good plan.

As he pulls into the entrance of the parking structure on the ground floor the thought tries to enter his mind. “Hey why did you leave me at home”? He has to work today and he is not going to think about you all day. I don’t want to do any coke and I’m not going to think about you at all is his thought.

That is what he tells himself and he is determined to carry out his thought. He is wondering how many people have self dialogues about smoking freebase cocaine. After he parks his car he walks into this very large lobby filled with other suits and women, many women walking about.

Thinking to him he says when I get on the elevator I should ask aloud how many people are thinking of “Freebasing Cocaine right now, how about a show of hands”? He walks into the crowded elevator and when he looks around everyone in the elevator is looking down or looking up at the illuminated screen with the floor number. He thinks to himself for a second or two how strange that is. Then back to his question and it makes him laugh out loud.

Several people look weirdly at him and he doesn’t apologize or anything and then he notices that this one woman is still looking at him. He winks his right eye at her and she smiles broadly. She exits the elevator on the sixth floor and he makes a mental note to himself which direction she goes in and thinks that he will have to take a break sooner or later. And he will have to come to the sixth floor and check this out. For Christ’s sake man, focus!

















































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Hello world!

Well Hello World! I started today on this part of my Journey  into the wonderful world of writing. I will come back and visit you often and my hope is that I can build some followers in readership. I am … Continue reading

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